"I don't know if this will be a great moment or this will make it worse for you to remember this, but I hope you will read the message and the smile on your face."
Dear Future Self,
If you see this message again in a few years, and you are still alive, I want to congratulate you on not giving up on yourself. For hanging in there just a little bit longer... For sticking it out & staying upright in the face of all the setbacks. To deal with your inner demons... Despite the fact that you were sometimes depressed, but you are always a joyful person...For hoping that the people in your life will soon recognize your worth... I'm relieved you've moved on. I'm glad you've learned from your past, and it does not put weighs on you. I'm glad you're pleased. I'm glad you've found happiness. I'm glad that you are moving on with your business, I'm glad you are happy with your life, in a way that you can not wait to wake from the bed to start your day. I'm glad you've found your shining star, someone who loves you now, I'm curious to know who she is...Thank you for allowing yourself to be who you are. . I'm so thankful that you didn't forget me, you keep your personality and principles the same. I adore you.
I've always
wondered. If by any chance, I would see myself. The younger self, the one who
has my features. Looking straight to my eyes, to my core. What would he say
about me? How would I see him? you will often tell him about all the pitfalls and mistakes that he must avoid, lapses that led to disasters, personality traits that led you to the loss of people you loved. Sincerely and later missed them bitterly.
I will see
my younger self as a pure version of me, more energetic, lively, full of
dreams, and has that spark in his eye. Very curious and spontaneous. He is
still at the beginning of life's journey. he never encounters the feeling of
being heartbroken, nor expressing failure, or have self-doubts. He is enjoying
his independency, he has the passion to read and learn about anything, and
everything. His ultimate goal is to understand himself, and the people. He
wants to be in control of his life and decisions. All people are good as he is?
Or that's what he thinks they are.
Listen! let me flash it up things to you. This is how the dreams
were broken? And remember this moment, it is when I had my first love, and this
is how I lost it. This when I had my first disappointment, and this is the
second, third. You will grow up with those people, some, who you will dedicate time
and care about a lot, one in particular will give you your biggest
disappointment, you will know who exactly. Look, at this moment, you say to
yourself: okay! let me try to love. Boom! life plans were different. You start
doubting, over and over again. And this is when you feel life smiles
again at work, you think you finally have a clear path of what you want to do.
However, it comes with bigger responsibility, you keep growing financially, and
improve yourself. But you still feel life dragging you to first place, and
rotating at the same spot, your life is not stable, and time passes by. Look,
I'm older now, and some things are not done as planned. See, how ambition beings to fade gradually. My younger me, life has taught me a lot, in a
hard way. I have shifted my direction many times to meet the ever-changing
situation. I had to adapt to these changes, sometimes willingly and sometimes
against my will. See how people now are less connected than before. Faking
life, personality over what called social media. Wrong act is acceptable now,
and right one is odd. Childhood is ruined, people lost morals. Everyone has
secrets now. Even the little child, by age but adults by acts. You start losing
trust to people, and gradually, feel lonely and foreign to your society.
I didn't
mean to disappoint you, but this is me. I'm shy in person, and still I'm. Pure
inside, and still I'm. I was ignorant to the law of life, human nature, and
fluctuation of circumstances. You will grow up from the fact that you are fragile
like glass inside to a solid like rock. I become wiser, calmer, and more cautious in
doing things. I matured enough to overcome scars, too many scars actually.
YouTube: Hamza Namira - Dari Ya Allby
It will be -without doubt- an honest, frank self-confrontation, without compliments or self-polishing. We may -at time- lie to ourselves at some moment and deceive the reality. But, at this meeting, you will tell it all, black and white. Even it is harsh and bitter. You can't bend the events, nor fake the acts after all.
Do I regret something? Yes. Did I make mistakes? Sure! Did I disappoint someone? Unfortunately, yes! But all these things shaped who I'm now. It is because of you - my younger me - your principles, your heart, and your passion over things and people. I learned with each failure, I would stand up and fight. Actually, you taught me that each failure is a lesson learned. It is because of you, I realized that the fever of seeking knowledge and writing would not have infected me, it made me unbreakable, have confident, helping me express myself, my feelings and thoughts. And with each disappointment and its huge fractures to my soul, you taught me that only faith, devotion to work, love yourself, and people you care about, will protect me from the evils of the world.
In fact, I'm not sure what to write? And How to express my feelings?
I can't say I'm more excited or more indifferent. I'm not sure If I'm interested in my future, and how I may meet my expectations at the personal or professional level for the new year, or If I don't care anymore about anything.
I always wonder when my time will come? when my moment will be? What moment?! My dreams and my Passion & goals. I stopped worrying about anything. I don't know what the future holds for me? I can see and feel how my mind shifted from someone who is ambitious to someone who is careless.
This year and last year were very stressful ones. I believe that I have my biggest disappointment ever during this time. I've seen myself losing control, I've seen myself feeling empty inside, other times feeling left over. My passion to improve myself and motivation was at the lowest level possible. Yet, I survived, but with heavy costs, and a lot of burdens over my back.
I had to make some decisions against my will, I encountered some feelings, that were not expected, and also was so powerful that I try to test and deny them but failed. Mixed of love, hate, envy, loss, desperate, and content.
I have heard harsh words from my dearest and the closest person to me. I've noticed how people may change over time. They say words are so powerful and can hurt a lot. Yes! I have examples.
Each year, I grow up old. Chasing tirelessly the time. I've become more thoughtful, more worried, more vulnerable over simple things. As time pass, I'm getting more into feeling that I'm old to others, and misunderstood. I'm losing my confidence at some point. I always feel like I'm missing something but can't tell what exactly, is it a person or a thing? Not quite sure.
It may seem that I'm over doubt about what the future holds, and this can be justified over things that I encountered. But still, I believe in god, and that I still have time to do what I want, and have my moment. I strongly believe.
Years ago! I was introduced to a movie called "La La land", it is a musical, comedy, romantic movie. I really enjoyed the movie (If you've never seen the movie, don't read this line) Mainly it talks about two-person, who both are passionately in love. However, they didn't end up together because, each one has a dream, and instead of being selfless and work together in the relationship, they act like a selfish person, who prefer h/her needs over being together.
So the movie had this question in my head and starts wrapping up over again. Is being selfish in love is a good thing? particularly in the early stage. You put your needs first over the other person dreams and goals in the term of relationship responsibilities and have her dreams and goals diminished.
This same selfish person, who always encourages people to chase their dreams, builds their personality first, is the same person, who - at this moment - is trying to do the opposite now! just because he feels that he needs to do it. Is it a hypocrite?
For example, A girl with an ambition to pursue her studies abroad falls in love with you, who -from the Otherside- do realize that continuing this relationship will be more likely end up her dreams. Still, you intend to continue per your need to be in a relationship and the possibility that you will not be able to support or fulfill her dreams.
You may say find a person who you both have the same dream, it is not working that way actually all the time. I mean, sometimes the difference between both is what sparks the relationship.
When someone falls in love, it becomes superior to other things. It will shift your priorities, but still, at a certain point in life, you will think about the dreams you left. Do you regret your choice of love then? Does the other person feel guilty?
I don't mean to be in a toxic relationship, that benefits me over the other. I feel that if I become more selfless, and want to support her. I would let her complete her dreams and goals, even though this means that I will lose her. I believe - as a caring person - should inform her of both scenarios.
I also believe that a healthy relationship is that one that has both love and dreams aligned together, you both play all the cards any way possible, hoping that both cards will become closer than ever. It is easy to say it but hard to adapt it at the end.
It always amazes me how? of a sudden, you know a girl, who you put all your time, effort, to make them feel secure and loved. Listening to her daily problems, her unstable feelings, trying hard to confront her, encourage her, motivate her. Then in a moment, some random guy comes around, and holla, you are in the back door. Hello, Where are you? I miss you. I feel you are not the same as before, then hear the same answer all the time "I'm busy", she said.
I don't understand why being good will not give any value to girls. Being there whenever needed is worthless. Treat her with love and respect is not admirable. Being good will put you in the last, you will option number 2, 3, 4, or maybe not an option at all!
She simply thinks that you are available all the time, and easy to get, but she never knows what's going on from the guy's perspective. During this time of being neglected and not valued, he will suffer a lot, especially if he really loves the girl or care a lot about her. He will wake, eat, drink, go out, do various things, sleep. And within all these actions, she's in his mind. Wondering why? Slow replies, not showing interest like before. What did he do wrong? You have done nothing wrong except treating her like a queen, while she starts treating you like some random guy passed by.
Then after a long time... She is heartbroken, or made her decision and regrets it. She's approaching you again, see you like her superhero, telling you how you were to her. How many times you stood beside her, how your hand was the only one, which helped her survive and lift up from the deep down of the sorrow.
For any girl, you need to understand this, during this time, guys never stopped loving you, never stopped thinking about you, But, they -at a certain time - realized it is better to stop investing time and energy in you. They do realize that you don't have any excuse. if they ask you why you are not texting me anymore, and you have a shallow excuse, they know that you have your phone all the time, and simply if you show interest, it takes a few seconds to say Hi!.. Then they start the -No Contact rule - and see. nothing changes like she's saying "You are nothing to me", it breaks the guys' hearts a lot... But time will heal.
Youtube: The Airborne Toxic Even - Sometimes around midnight
So, when you decide to come back, they do care... it is as simple as this: "If you truly care about someone, the mind will tell you no but the heart still". However, at this stage, their mind will overcome whatever heart willing to do. The weaker the mind dominate is, the more the struggle will have. He will be very cautious, not with you, but with any other girl. He may be more hesitant to get into a relationship. He will remember how you mistreated him the way you should do, and think. It is like a business that never closed. Know the fact he lost interest like before is really hard for him to handle. I'm not sure how to describe it, but simply ruin his life over again, especially when he moved on or was in the middle of getting into a relationship.
Please do not make the guy fall deep to you. If you don't like them, simply inform them and walk away, if you do, and he's there for you, treating you with love and respect, Do not let him go. Because if you do, you might regret it all of your life.
