Why Do I Miss Her?

© FB: Roadtrip

Why do I miss her? She moved away with her life, get married, Happy, I sincerely & always wish her good luck, but why do I miss her?

I'm living my life, everything is normal, but she is in my mind, no matter what I do? whatever the thing that distracts me, she came in a second & disappear, it is like she is telling me I'm here inside. You loved me down to the bone & you can't do anything about it.

Yes, I still do care about her! I sometimes ask about her, checking if she is doing fine? I 'm not sure from her end, frankly speaking, I'm not sure about her feeling, not the missing part apparently, at least the presence of me in her heart & mind. How's he doing? Is he still thinking about me? Did he find another girl to love? But all I ask myself is? Did she ever love me? why do I miss her?

 I used to build walls whenever love strikers, searching for that special one, I learned the hard way that you should not fall 100% in love & have loyalty to someone at the early beginning, You are not sure how the other person feels towards you. not sure how the ending will be. Well, I lost someone special, She died in a terrorist attack, It was something still can't bear it.

Since that time, I started to build my walls, rejecting every offer to open the gate to my heart. No, I don't want to! laughing to my co-workers without saying anything the reason why? I feel I'm Betraying her "whispering to myself" She died "My mind replies", I Know but, But what? you have to move on, no dear I won't.

                                   

Adele - Chasing Pavements

Years Passed & after throwing away every opportunity to start a relationship, I kept my walls high, Until I met her, & the lesson still in my head, Don't fall completely in love.

I started to approach slowly & wisely, She had that special halo around her, the same Halo I'd noticed with the first. She was a beauty queen but her inner beauty which i loved the most is charming, She was hiding that with big walls of her. Yes! she was that type, securing her heart, rejecting every offer to open it.

I've decided, no matter how difficult it is? I will be the one who opens his heart, make her inner beauty blossom outside. I tried & tried, Taking measurable steps & being extra cautious, after all, life gave me a lesson & it will be repeated until you figure it out, I was acting accordingly. I can say I got something "or it was a Facade", I was feeling more confident & happy "Or Maybe I was fooling myself" I remember how she opens up her heart, sharing her interests with me, her troubles. I was waiting for the right moment for me. I was preparing to start a new level, yes I had a tough time during the same days, in which during when I noticed I started to lose her, I was rejecting this Idea, My mind wants to build the walls again, My heart falls in love... Completely

Labrinth - Beneath you are beautiful

Then, it comes again, She got engaged, She has a new lover, Someone who opens her heart, she welcomes the new conquer throwing me away from her heart "Or maybe I wasn't there". The rest is history.

I'm not sure, Why do I miss her? we didn't have a relationship in order to reject me & feel the need to wants her? I even still questioning if my heart was fooling me all the time? Did she ever think of me? Does she really think about me from time to time? Does she really check about me? or, I'm not sure what to say? Her name is whispering in my mind. These questions I won't any response sooner or ever. It is a reminder to be like an Ice ALL THE TIME. COLD & Beautiful.

The Walls are so high now, I've turned to be very afraid to fall in love or even thinking about, I learned a lesson from this "or it is a lesson i made for me", If you love someone deeply if you find that special one that touches our soul, you won't get her.

Labrinth - Jealous 

No Matter how I try to hide it, it would show in any way available: My eyes, My Voice tone, My Nervousness about nothing, I missing her, the one who I'm not sure what she was in her mind & heart or what she is thinking right now? I Only Miss her.

As time passes, the more I understand that everything around me is starting to be less interesting, as long I have this void in my life, I'm not intending to fill it but, I'm missing her & Don't know the reason why?