When I was child. I always dreamed of getting older, have my own money, my own freedom, buy what I like, and go whenever I want. No Boundaries! I always looked to my father as an Idol person to follow and my mother as an example of a devotion loving person. Time passes and here I'm, tirelessly chasing time. I have grown up fast, and in the course of time, I've seen the world in other perspective than before. From colorful, innocent, and vibrant colors, to much darker, cruel, and Black & white. I realized that freedom is relative and adjusted with my ethical standards mainly and many surrounding factors. Financial independency does not come only with spending but also by making wise decision on how to spend, save and invest. And most importantly be the idol the others will look to as an example.
I used to make mistakes when I was a child. No one got hurt from what I've done or said, even if do, I'm forgiven. I was the hero to my parents despite all. Now I wonder, what If I do the wrong thing to people, and we thought we try to do the right thing? and turned out it will hurt people. I'm not the hero here. Sometimes, I have to accept that I'm a good person in someone eyes and bad for others. I never had intention to hurt somebody on purpose, but it happens. Even if time sometime make my point right but still. Mistakes happen, even if it is not a mistake, but how different people perceive them may define them.
I used to worry a lot when I was a child. Like, will I be able to score a goal, or pass the exam. Or maybe master this game. And if I fail, I know deep down that I'm enough to my parents, my friends, and myself. Now, I worry much less, as I'm much wiser than before. However, my worry hits much deeper, and then it come to my mind, Am I good enough? For me? For her? For Anyone?
I used to have my life decided by others, My parents in particular. What to do, eat, wear, time to play or sleep, school, hobbies, etc. Now, I have to make decisions by my own, suffer the consequences whether good or bad. And in each decision, I will learn a lesson. Is it worth? Why did I do this? or the scariest question, What If?
When I was child, life is perfect. When I grow up, I realized it isn't. Yet! Why do we want everything to be perfect? Your life, love, work. Even if you make them perfect or they are already, the only one thing will not be perfect, is the death of loved ones. I was always scared from the idea of losing someone. I couldn't imagine it, but it happened, I lost her, I lost my father, I lost family members. It is not only rounded to death; it is more than this. the presence of someone, the loss of shared feelings, passions, and the unique connection we had with them. All lost! I learned to accept it eventually. But still, the feeling of griefless is the most difficult to deal with. Yet you have to accept it as an adult, and you never understand it while you were a child. As an adult, I realized that even death has a perfect timing when it comes to take someone's soul. I believe that from that person perspective, the timing is perfect after all.
Childhood is heaven so does adulthood. The transition from childhood to adulthood is a profound journey, marked by a series of revelations and adjustments.
We learn a lot of about living and growing up, dream about it a lot when we were children. But did not think about what it means to be old? Yes! I sometimes feel I'm late in something and fighting myself for it. I used to look to things in one perspective and now in another and it keep changing ideas, believes like a flowing river. I used to have much energy to do many things, now, I'm with less energy and enthusiastic than before. We used as children to say, "we couldn't wait to get older" without realizing what meant to be old. And here I'm. I miss my childhood times.
It is fascinating to see things around you getting old, I mean, if we talk about universe, places, books, everything. Is fascinating. When it comes to human being, it is never been the same, I mean we were pure as children, young and beautiful with lot of imagination and innocence, full of energy, full of love. Then, you get older, have wrinkles, have traumas, have cracks and pains. Everything you love and desire will disappear, dies, everything ends, and you have to see it and accept it.
Despite that, I think it is not childhood vs. adulthood preference issue. Each phase in our life, has its own beauty; we tend to look to things we want to have or used to have. Instead of living the moment. As a child, I worried a lot but took actions toward them. So why we don't we do the same now. We may feel we are late into something. You never know your time if you compare someone's G-stage to your B-Stage. Life isn't perfect in all stages, just because you have much awareness now, doesn't mean that as a child you did not think the same. You have one life, embrace it. Live it wisely to the fullest, don't spend time worrying, questioning, or running after people who don't value you. Accept yourself for who you are and learn from mistakes. As long as you have a good intention, you will be rewarded one day. Now or then, it only takes from you to be commitment and believe.
The God says in his holy book Quran "Allah (God) does not burden any soul beyond what it can bear" 2-286.
Give value to every single second of your life.
And life goes on.
