© FB: Art is a way of survival
I've been rolling over & over in same place for awhile, there's no time for silence in my mind. It's like my mind is trying to explode but my skull is holding it tight inside, a severe headache that knocking my forehead to get out.
My vision is not so clear at the moment, I'm not sure who I'll be in a few years and who are the people I'll be with. But I'll keep going, until it's all clear. I Have faith.
Big decisions requires big sacrifice, life detours they say, A detour may opens up to the big world, a world you would really flourish & find your self in & have your dreams on the process. Or, it may throws you back to beyond the starting point, to that little corner in the room where you always try to cry but you can't.
You are trying to be strong, all the time but in fact, you are a weak inside, trying to hide it will kills you slowly & by the time you realize that, it may be too late to recover,
My happy side is hiding somewhere, and I'm trying to find it.
In people around me, in things, in places & in every little things. Life gives a sign to follow, it may helps you to make a decision, if you didn't find it or ignore it, you have to move on & find the next sign, it may not lead to the same direction but it will eventually leads you to what your heart desire, they say.
I have thoughts of me not reaching my goals, thoughts of people who left, died & have me heart broken, thoughts of things I wish I could do, but i couldn't. what if, what if i followed that sign, catch that opportunity, maybe & only maybe, I reach my goals & feel secure.
There will always be turning points, where we leave some people, leave some thoughts, some memories and some mistakes behind us & begin a new life.
Its funny when after all these years, you are facing the same thoughts, these thoughts follow me before sleep. but instead of making affirmative decision, you hesitate, yes, the typical you. The one who always hesitate when it comes to life detours.
But who knows, years passed have taught me a lot, looking to things in other perspective, goals may change, yes the main are still the same but the time forced me to drop this & that, add a thing or two, I feel numb now.
God, I know I'm only average. I'm not too religious. I make mistakes yet, i have sense of right & wrong. Please guide me, i'm not sure where & how i will be. but i do know that, i lost people i love, detours i missed, signs i didn't follow, I lost my soul once & I'm not willing to live in worries anymore.